What every Woman should know before getting married

Marriage is often presented as the beginning of a happy new chapter, but relationship experts say preparing for it requires more than love and excitement.

For women considering marriage, counsellors say self-awareness, honest communication and a clear understanding of expectations are among the most important factors to consider before making the decision.

Relationship counsellor Sadiya Suleiman says women should first understand themselves, including their goals, values, boundaries and the kind of life they want to build.

She says having a clear sense of identity can help women make informed decisions about marriage instead of expecting a partner to become the sole source of their happiness.

Suleiman also advises women against entering marriage with the expectation that they will change their partner’s personality or behaviour.

Instead, she says they should carefully observe how a prospective husband treats other people, particularly family members, how he handles anger and how he responds when disagreements arise.

“Marriage does not automatically change a person’s character,” she says.

Discuss important issues before marriage

Experts recommend that couples discuss major areas of their future life together before getting married.

These include finances, employment, children, housing, household responsibilities and relationships with both families.

Research on marriage and relationship education has also found that programmes designed to strengthen couples’ communication and relationship skills can improve communication and aspects of relationship quality, although the impact differs among couples.

Financial matters are particularly important.

Studies involving newly married couples have linked financial strain and stressful life events with more negative communication between partners.

For this reason, experts encourage couples to discuss their income, debts, savings, spending habits and how major financial decisions will be made.

Suleiman says women should understand their partner’s financial situation before marriage, including whether he has outstanding loans or debts and how he views saving and managing household finances.

She also encourages women to develop their own financial knowledge and cultivate a habit of saving.

• Do not ignore warning signs

Suleiman warns women against dismissing behaviours such as extreme jealousy, excessive control, isolation from friends and family, repeated insults, dishonesty, threats or intimidation.

Such behaviour should not automatically be interpreted as evidence of love or commitment.

Relationship experts identify controlling behaviour, isolation and financial control among potential signs of an unhealthy or abusive relationship.

A healthy relationship, they say, should allow both partners to maintain their dignity, safety and personal boundaries.

• Marriage should not end personal ambitions

Marriage should also not mean abandoning education, career goals or personal development.

Suleiman says couples should discuss their individual ambitions and agree on how they can support each other.

“Marriage is a partnership,” she says.

Bilkisu Dahiru, 71, who has been married for about five decades, similarly says successful marriage requires patience, loyalty, understanding and good communication.

However, she stresses that patience should never mean tolerating abuse or behaviour that undermines a person's dignity.

Dahiru also advises couples not to compare their marriages with those of other people, arguing that every household has its own circumstances and challenges.

Ultimately, experts say no one can predict everything that will happen after marriage.

But knowing yourself, understanding your partner, discussing difficult issues openly and seeking advice from trusted people can help women make informed decisions and enter marriage with realistic expectations.